


Traveling Soldier

by ineedthislikeaholeinthehead



Category: Actor RPF, American Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, The Hobbit RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Military, Ben is only in one scene, Homophobic Language, Lee's 17, M/M, PTSD, prostitution (mention), vietnam!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-07 18:19:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7724887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ineedthislikeaholeinthehead/pseuds/ineedthislikeaholeinthehead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After completing his first tour as a medic in the US army, Private First Class Richard Armitage is weary of war.  An incredible opportunity has allowed him to study for his medical license.  He should be ecstatic, but all he feels is numb and lost.  On his way home for leave, he stops off at diner in the middle of nowhere, Texas, and is instantly smitten by a young waiter. </p><p>Could this mysterious guy be the answer to all of Richard's questions?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There are probably more than a few historical inaccuracies in here, but I GOOGLED for ya'll so, you know... attention must be paid. 
> 
> For anyone who's not super into the American Vietnam war, the only backstory that might for this story is that the Vietnam skirmish was always a polarizing topic. Like the Korean war, the Vietnam war was fought for strategic purposes during the cold war. Instead of fighting their own battles, the US (Capitalism) and Russia and China (Communism) fought their wars using third world countries. Many American's didn't feel that we should be in either place- regardless of Russia and China's influence. 
> 
> American's are not required to serve in the military except in the case of a draft- once a boy turns 18 they have to sign up for the draft. The selection of boys who will be forced to enlist is usually picked at random. (Think lottery, except instead of money, you win the right to die for a cause you might not even believe in.) It was a scary ass thing, especially during Vietnam, because this war was fucked up in so many ways- the Vietnamese were grossly under armed compared to our cruel weaponry. (Agent Orange was a chemical we threw from helicopters and planes onto the enemy. It literally melted skin off.) Spoilers though, they won anyways, and sent thousands of our boys back in body bags. Many of them never believed in the war to begin with. 
> 
> There were a few ways to get out of getting drafted. There were medical deferments for guys who were already disabled, or otherwise to sick to serve. And there were Student Deferments. A lot of (mostly upper middle class or rich) kids (like Richard in this story) took advantage of this opportunity. 
> 
> I've written WAY too much, and I hope it's helpful, but if something doesn't make sense, please feel free to comment and I'll make sure it gets clarified (I really appreciate this- I want to make sure my story makes sense!)
> 
> Oh, also, Texas laws on sodomy weren't repealed until this century. Criminalized homosexuality is just one of the many scary things about living in Tx while gay.

Richard couldn’t remember the last time he’d been touched- a few brotherly pats on the back on base, and a few punches (that he might have deserved) in the field. Nothing that had ignited anything in him the way Joe’s hand on his shoulder did.    
  
It was too dangerous to have feelings for anyone in company.  Not just because more than a few of those well deserved punches would be flying his way, but you never knew what the next day would bring in combat.  It wasn’t worth the risk to get attached, even casually, to someone whose head might not be on their shoulders by the time they got back to you.  Intimacy during war was in short supply.  
  
He’d gone on leave with the rest of the guys, but while the rest of them didn’t seem to have a problem letting money pass between the hands of the girls there who promised that they could make them forget, it was too hard for Richard.  
  
Not to say he had any problem with girls. Or even the exchange (though he didn’t know how it didn’t bruise his colleagues’ egos- girls who were more interested in what was in your pocket than your pants.)  
  
For Richard, it ended up being about communication.  Or lack thereof.  He just couldn’t make a connection, and he wasn’t the sort of man to want to go through with something like that with someone who’s only English was a handful of phrases learned in blue movies.  
  
Maybe he could have gotten over that.  If he’d learned anything, it was that war turned any man’s heart hard.  Maybe if he could just ignore their eyes.  Those haunting, beautiful brown eyes.  In them he saw the lives he wasn’t allowed to save- the brown bodies mixed with the already dead corpses of his allies.  Supplies were limited, and counted, and they were the enemy anyways.    
  
Don’t stitch up the enemy, Richard!  They won’t say thank you, they’ll cut you down as soon as you’re done!  He tried to convince himself, but the enemy never felt like a person.  It felt like grenades and bombs and blood- god damn it, so much fucking blood. What was one body that got back to run back to his family, hold his children or his mother again?  Every time he looked into one of those girls eyes, he wondered how she’d been touched by it.  Was her father in one of those graves they were always digging?  Was her brother burnt to a crisp by the venom they were spilling from the sky?  Was her lover burnt to a crisp?  How many of them had he walked over, holding his medic bag close because he couldn’t risk helping?  
  
Maybe he was kidding himself. Maybe he was just a fag like everyone thought.  He didn’t much care at the moment, because he looked up and Joe was smiling in a way that meant it didn’t matter.  
  
“Thanks for waiting, Soldier.” He said.  He was still wearing an apron, a name tag stuck at the top.  
  
Richard smiled up at him.  How could anyone say no when the likes of Joe walked by and whispered wait for me?    
  
What else could he possibly have to do that was any better?  What else could he possibly have to do at all, for that matter?    
  
“Please, don’t call me that.” Richard begged.  
  
Joe sat down on the opposite side of the booth.  The booth was tiny and they were both big men, their knees touched, and it sent a chill up Richard’s spine.    
  
“What should I call you, then?”  
  
“My name’s Richard.”  
  
“Not Dickie?” Richard laughed.  He didn’t recognize the sound anymore.  He’d forgotten how it felt.  It felt like sunshine.  
  
“Please, no.”  
  
“Ok.  Not a Dick guy… Rich?”  
  
“If that works for you… Joe.” Joe’s cheeks flushed.  He stood back up, pulled off his apron and put out his hand. “What are we doing?”  Richard asked as Joe slung his apron behind the counter.  
  
Joe pulled him up.  Richard had to catch his breath.  It had been obvious that Joe was tall, but Richard wasn’t used to anyone actually being taller than him.  He didn’t mind that everyone was so much tinier than him, but to be so close to Joe, he felt something he might never have felt before… safe. Protected, instead of the protector.  
  
“Getting out of here.”  Joe said with a delicious smile that made him weak in the knees.  
  
He didn’t know what was happening. A few hours ago,he’d been nothing.  A nobody, hiding from everyone he knew in a nowhere town.    
  
He only had a week of freedom, and instead of going home to let his family and friends- what few were still surviving- fawn over him like the war hero he most definitely wasn’t. (There are no heroes in war. Of that, Richard was completely convinced.  No heroes and no winners.)  
  
He’d stopped here instead.  He promised himself he was just going to get a piece of pie and a cup of coffee.  The only thing was, he had a bag and there was a hotel on the way to the cafe.  And the rates were so reasonable- without sex or drugs to pay for, with most of his belongings packed up in his childhood room at home- there was all these wages and nothing better to do other than waste it. He wasn’t surprised to watch the bills that paid for an entire week’s stay slide across the counter.  
  
But he would chalk it up to the whimsy of leave.  He would get his pie and coffee, use the phone in the room to let everyone know there’d been a mix up and that he’d be a day late, and then lay on the bed for one night, staring at the ceiling until day broke again, and walk back to the train station to buy another ticket.  
  
How he had stumbled upon god’s gift to man- beautiful Joe with the green eyes and the intoxicating smile- leaning on the counter, “Sit anywhere you’d like” thrown carelessly out before turning to the cook and giggling at something Richard wasn’t privy to hear- and instantly making his heart beat for the first time in… maybe in years.  
  
When Joe had sauntered over to the very last booth where Richard was trying to hide, even in his own sea of self doubt, he could tell Joe felt it, too.  Richard hadn’t liked alcohol all that much- not the metal flasks of whiskey and something that was most definitely some one’s fifth generation moonshine that were passed around while they were out on patrol, at least. But looking into Joe’s eyes, he felt the same dizzy bliss that he’d lost with the last bottle of pinot grigio he’d had before getting sent out to basic.  
  
Joe was something else, something mysterious and dark and delicious.  He’d known 15 minutes after meeting him that Joe was something else.  Someone who was going to change his life, even if it was only by bringing him an extra cup of coffee.  
  
Of course, if he was being honest with himself, Richard didn’t want just a cup of joe from Joe.    
He didn’t know exactly what he wanted, but he’d take whatever he could get.  
  
Richard wanted to kiss this unpredictable, gorgeous boy so badly that his lips hurt, but Joe beat him to it, dragging him through the kitchen and to the alley before pressing him up against a wall and nearly bringing Richard to his knees with the force of his tongue and lips.  
  
Joe grabbed Richard before he literally fell to the floor.  
  
“One thing at a time, Sol-Rich.” He said, that impish smile still spread over his face.  
  
“What do you want, Joe?”  Richard’s throat went dry when Joe took a beat to answer.  He was, after all, in a dark alley, in a town where no one knew him, with a very big young man.  That being said, whatever Joe wanted- money, drugs, his fucking heart on a platter- Richard would have gladly given him.  
  
“How about a drink and a place to crash for the night?”  
  
“Oh.  Yeah.  Of course.” Richard stood up straighter, not exactly sure what he was hoping to hear, or why this suddenly seemed so disappointing.  Joe grabbed him by the arm.  
  
“Don’t worry.  It’ll be worth your while.”  He promised with a look in his eyes that made Richard’s stomach do flips worthy of an acrobatic act.  
  
“Where’s the nearest bar?”  He asked. Joe laughed and put his arm around Richard’s side- friendly to the outside world, but more intimate than Richard had expected none the less.  
  
“There’s a liquor store down the next street.”  
  
*  
  
When they got back to Richard’s room- a six pack under Joe’s arm and a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon under Richard’s- he was a little worried about the state of things.  He was an expert at destroying a room- and after a year and a half of strict guidelines and starched sheets that did nothing to hide the fact that they were living in a fucking jungle, he’d let what little possessions he had explode across the floor, the bed, the bathroom.    
  
Joe didn’t seem to mind.  He sprawled over the king sized bed.  Richard enjoyed the view of Joe’s long legs, but he appreciated the smile that had turned devious the second he’d hit the mattress.  
  
“Got a bottle opener?”  He asked.  Richard fished the swiss army knife out of his pocket and tossed it on the bed where Joe grabbed it.  After he’d opened the first beer and taken a long drink, he moved on his knees over to the edge of the bed where Richard was standing.  
  
On his knees on the bed, Joe was still taller than Richard, and he found himself bemused with the experience of looking up at someone.  Joe smiled, moved his hand to Richard’s him, then up until his fingers were wrapped around the neck of his bottle, stroking in a way that seemed almost cruel to Richard.  He finally held tight, and slid the bottle away from Richard.  
  
He twisted the corkscrew.  Richard watched him struggle, and remembered the only time he’d seen the corkscrew used.    
  
Tim was another medic, and one of the only ones who didn’t give a damn about bunking with a pussy like Richard.  They probably weren’t friends, but they’d spent enough time in what passed as bars in Bien Hoa, and he didn’t mind a bottle of wine instead three bottles of beer.  He’d seen Tim rip the cork right out of the bottle with the piece of shit that tried to pass itself off as a corkscrew.  
  
Joe managed to pop the cork inside the bottle, and that was good enough.  He handed the knife back and Richard ran his thumb across it.  The knife in his hand was as close as Tim would ever get to being back on American soil.  
  
He went to grab a cup and found none, so he sat on the edge of the bed. Joe tapped him on the back with his toe and Richard looked back to see him leaning on the headboard.  
  
“Don’t you want to come sit up here with me?”  He asked.  Richard took a swig, and crawled back to sit next to him. “Much better.”  One of Joe’s hands held a beer, and the other landed on Richard’s thigh.  “Don’t you think?”  
  
“Yes.” Was all Richard could say.  Joe finished his beer, threw the bottle on the floor. Richard handed him the knife with one hand and put the bottle to his lips with the other. Joe opened the bottle and handed the knife back.  “Keep it.”  He said and Joe slid the closed knife into the pockets of his hilarious bellbottoms.  
  
“So, you’re shore leave Rich?” He asked after another swig.  
  
“That’s sailors, Joe.”  
  
“What are you?”  
  
“I’m a medic.”  
  
“Like a doctor?”    
  
“Not yet.”  
  
“So do you have to carry a gun?”  
  
“Sometimes.  I’m not very good with them.”  
  
“Me neither.”  
  
“That how you got out of enlisting?” Richard took a drink of the wine, suddenly he realized how thirsty he was.  Like he’d been in the desert for days.    
  
“Nope.” Joe pulled Richard’s bottle away, put it next to his beer on the nightstand, and kissed him.  
  
And it hit him that it wasn’t drink that he needed.  He pulled Joe down, the way his tongue felt in Richard’s mouth quenching his parched lips better than any liquid ever could.  
  
Before he knew what was happening, they were naked.  Richard didn’t expect the look on Joe’s face- the was the same one he was giving back- complete awe.  
  
He swallowed as he crawled back on the bed.  Joe was all talk, but Richard wasn’t as he pulled the boy in for a kiss that went past dizzying, went past electric.    
  
A M67 hand grenade has a fatality radius of 16 feet.  Richard could throw one 100 feet.  The feeling of hearing a M67 go off, hoping it’s far enough, secretly hoping it hits nothing at all.    
  
Kissing Joe was exactly the opposite of that feeling.  
  
There was still something explosive about being with him, though, and when they fell back, staining the sheets with sweat and breathing heavy, Richard forgot about Vietnam for the first time in years.  
  
Lee bent over and pulled out a pack of Marlboros. He passed one over and Richard took it without thinking about it.    
  
“What do you mean “Not yet?”  He asked after blowing out the first puff.  
  
“What?”  
  
“I asked if you were a doctor, and you said not yet. Are you going to be a doctor?”  
  
“Probably yes.  I don’t know.”  
  
“You don’t know?  I didn’t know doctors could be so indecisive.”  
  
“They want me to be a doctor, yes.”  
  
“They? Like, the US Army?”  
  
“That’s the ones.  They think I’ll make a good surgeon.”  
  
“Well, you definitely have the hands for it.”  Richard laughed. A fellow could get used to the way a compliment felt.  
  
“I highly doubt anything you’ve seen would be considered a skill.”  
  
“Make a mean buck on the street, though.”  
  
“Is that how you get by?”  It was Joe’s turn to laugh. But it didn’t sound like Richard’s laugh.  It was dry and painful, and Richard instantly realized that he’d done wrong.  He didn’t know what else to say, so he just watched Joe pull on his pants and shirt.  
  
“Is that what you think I am, Rich?”  
  
“No!  I just… I didn’t think about it is all.”   Joe shoved his feet into his shoes. “Why else would you have come back here, Joe?”  
  
He was already up, and Richard went to him as he reached for the door.  
  
“Maybe I liked you, Rich.” He said, and he walked out, leaving Richard standing naked in the doorway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always say I hesitate to use family members in fic, and then I always end up doing it. 
> 
> RPF is a genre of faking the real. Our main characters are based off people who exist in the "real" world, but they are still characters that we have created. 
> 
> But when family members of a celebrity are used to further the plot, I think it's especially important to point out that these are just imaginary characters who happen to share the same name and general description as these people.

He called his brother in the morning.  Explained that he wouldn’t be back until the next day.   
  
“No tickets to New Haven today, huh?”  He’d asked.   
  
“Something like that.” Richard responded.  He was already done with this conversation. He had a feeling that his older brother was already done with it, too.  He just liked fucking with Richard.   
  
Chris was so smart. Their parents had wanted him to enlist, but he’d convinced them to let him get a student deferment when he turned 18. Richard had followed Chris’ lead a few years later, but he had taken his classes on time- breezing through a biology degree in the standard four years like an idiot.  Chris had taken the bare minimum each semester, and when he’d been forced to finish his bachelor’s degree, he’d immediately enrolled in law school.   
  
Richard had rushed Chris’ fraternity like he was expected to, and was accepted (though he was convinced that was all Chris’ doing, and who knew why?  Neither of them particularly wanted him to be there.) After four years of hijinks, Richard was pretty sure he would have a better time in Vietnam.   
  
Chris had spent so much time skirting the rules, Richard was naively proud of himself for doing his duty and following them.  What a fool he’d been.  He wondered if that eager, excited person that he’d been when he’d signed his papers still existed somewhere inside of him.  He wondered if anything at all still existed inside of him.   
  
“You wanna know what I think, brother?” Chris asked.   
  
“The only person who ever cares what you think is you, brother.”  Chris was going to tell him anyways.  Once he started talking he didn’t stop until he’d wasted all the oxygen in the room.  
  
“I think you got lost somewhere, and bumped into one of those free love chicks, and you’d rather spend your time off with her instead of us.”   
  
“That must be it, Chris.”  He finally said, because it was what his brother wanted to hear. Chris laughed.  It was loud and raucous, the kind of laugh a person who had lived a life without disappointment had.   
  
Richard had never understood Chris’ constant appetites, but then Chris had never understood Richard’s lack of them. It scared his brother that Richard wasn’t a horn dog, that he didn’t get anxious if he didn’t have a girl on his arm or in his bed every Saturday. It scared Richard that girls still went out with Chris.   
  
“About time!  I’ll cover for you, Richie.  Just remember, the Wacky Tobacky is all well and good, but stay away from their pills.”  
  
“Yes to weed, no to pills.  Got it.  Anything else I should know?” Richard wished he was on a payphone, that he hadn’t put enough money into that would cut them off.   
  
“Hmmm.  Now that you mention it.  If she really is one of those open minded girls, how about you snap a picture and send it your brother’s way?”   
  
Richard hung up the phone.  It didn’t stop Chris from talking for another minute and a half.   
  
*  
  
Richard walked into the cafe and looked at the time.  Four O’clock.    
  
He’d already been in three times.  Joe wasn’t going to be there in the morning, after the late night shift they’d spent together last night, but it was the closest place to get breakfast, so he sat down in the back booth again and ate his eggs and coffee in silence.   
  
And he knew it would be a fluke if he were in at noon.  But the off chance of it happening was irresistible.    
  
Richard couldn’t let things end with last night.  Even if Joe never wanted to talk to him again, he at least had to leave this place knowing that Richard had liked him, too.  
  
In truth, even if Joe had been a prostitute, Richard didn’t think he would have cared.  The world was such a messy place, whose business was it how two people made an understanding? How many liaisons had he seen that were far worse?   
  
Richard’s sense of right and wrong had been deteriorating since he’d touched down in Saigon, and the first time he’d felt like a real human again had been in Joe’s arms, so what did it matter what Joe had wanted from him?   
  
Apparently, it mattered to Joe what Richard thought he wanted.  If he never got to feel Joe’s skin or taste his lips again, he could survive on the memories from the night before.  Richard didn’t know if he could survive Joe not knowing how important he was, though.   
  
He didn’t have much hope when he trudged back to the cafe for an early dinner.  It must be Joe’s day off, or he must have quit his job rather than ever see Richard again.  Or he’d never existed at all.  Perhaps he had just been an apparition created by Richard’s war-addled mind.  Maybe Richard could get a medical deferment since he was obviously bat shit crazy.     
  
But could you get a deferment when your ailment was their fault?  It didn’t matter. Richard had signed up for this.  There was no escape.   
  
At least he wasn’t imaging Joe.  There he was, leaning on the side of the building- earth tones and bell bottoms and crazy sunglasses that made Richard cringe.  He’d never paid attention to fashion- had allowed his mother to purchase all his clothes far too long, had been happy for fatigues so he wouldn’t be distracted by something as trivial as clothing.  Joe seemed to have a different relationship with fashion, and he was apparently very acquainted with the contemporary looks.  
  
“Hey...Medic.”  Richard took the greeting as a signal that it was alright to approach.   
  
“I’ve been looking for you.” He admitted.  No point in being coy. In the few moments that made up their relationship Richard could already tell that he should leave that up to Joe.   
  
“I heard.”   
  
“You did?”   
  
“Luke the cook?  He called and said you’ve been sitting around like a kicked puppy all day.”   
  
“It wasn’t all day.” He said.    
  
“If you say so.”   
  
“I want to apologize, Joe.”  
  
“You do?” A flash went over Joe’s face.  For a split second, it looked like maybe Joe didn’t expect that someone would apologize to him.   
  
“I was an idiot last night.  I’m sorry.” Richard waited for Joe to react.  He flicked his cigarette butt to the ground and stomped on it, looking down the whole time.   
  
“You were an idiot.” He finally said.   As he looked up, a smile spread across Richard’s face.   
  
“Anyone who lets you get away is an idiot.”  Joe smiled and walked over, wrapping his arm into Richard’s in a move Richard himself would never have the brass to make in broad daylight.   
  
“That’s what I keep telling everyone.”  He said as he started walking.   
  
“Where are we going?” Joe looked back at him and shrugged.   
  
“I’m sure we’ll figure it out.”   
  
*  
  
The river was… it was BIG.  He could see the other bank, but wouldn’t want to try and cross it.    
  
With the mud, and deep water, and more wildlife than he could codify, Richard was a little worried that he’d be stuck trying to follow a conversation while simultaneously pushing back nightmares of the jungle.  But Joe made it easy.    
  
Maybe it was how fast he’d stripped down to his underwear, and encouraged Richard to do the same. But he didn’t think it had anything to do with the water or even their bodies (though they were very nice bodies.)   
  
Richard had a curse.  It wasn’t from the war- his mind had always had a problem going to dark places, the sort of topics that depress people, that ended parties and friendships.  Every time he started turning that way, Joe had the gift of turning him to something light or wonderful.   
  
It wasn’t exactly like feeling happy, but it was an incredible simulation.    
  
Joe was lying on the grass, the sun was starting to set, and it was too perfect a moment not to kiss him. Joe laughed on his lips and Richard rolled over next to him, butterflies in his stomach as Joe rested his head on his chest. He grabbed one of Richard’s hands and shaded himself from the sun.    
  
“You know, if you didn’t want to be a doctor, you could always just be my backup sunglasses.”  Joe offered.  Richard took back his hand a little faster than he’d meant.   
  
“Who says I want to be a doctor?”  He asked.   
  
“Well, you said you were going to be one.”   
  
“I said they were going to make me one.”   
  
“Isn’t that a big deal, Richard?  I don’t think the US Army goes around giving medical scholarships to just anyone.”   
  
“The way they’re killing, they need as many doctors as they can churn out.”   
  
“But you have to be smart, and hardworking.  You must have been pushing for this…”   
  
Richard turned and swallowed but didn’t say a word.  So Joe curled up closer, and kissed him on the back of the neck.   
  
“Do you ever wear anything that’s not state issued?”  Joe finally asked.   
  
“I’ve never really thought about it.” He admitted.  “I’m not like you.”   
  
“What’s that mean- and keep in mind how stupid you’ve been before, Rich.”   
  
“I don’t have the body to pull off nice styles.”  
  
“That’s the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard.”   
  
“Perhaps I should be hurt now that you weren’t paying attention last night.” Richard teased.  Joe’s arm snaked around him, his hand landing on one of his thighs.   
  
“I was paying so much attention that I know exactly what you’d look good in.”   
  
Please say you, please say you. Richard thought, but he didn’t have the finesse.   
  
“Alright.”  Was all he said.    
  
“Really?”  Joe asked.   
  
“Yes.  Next time we go shopping you can pick out an outfit for me.”  He joked, knowing that this could never last long enough for them to end up at JC Penny’s- but being willing to wear whatever silly thing Joe could dream up if only it could.   
  
“Oh, we don’t need to go shopping.”  Joe said as he jumped up and immediately started pulling on his pants.   
  
“What?”  Richard asked, sitting up and following suit. Joe grabbed him by the hand and pulled him up.   
  
“You’re just my size.  And I’ve got loads of outfits you’d look great in.”   
  
Richard gulped as he followed Joe out of the woods.   
  
*  
  
It was night by the time they got back to Joe’s... house?   
  
For some reason, Richard imagined him in one of the rundown apartments by his hotel.  Joe had the feeling of an artist, and every artist Richard had ever known or heard of was always poor.    
  
This house wasn’t anything rundown, or artistic.  A split level ranch in a middle class neighborhood. It wasn’t like his house, but he didn’t imagine that his family would have scoffed at Richard spending time with someone who lived in this house.   
  
They walked up to the door, and before they got in, Joe spun around.   
  
“I don’t think anyone will be up, but just in case, I should probably tell you not to be surprised if they call me Lee.”   
  
“Why would they call you Lee?” Richard asked as Joe- Lee?- opened the door.   
  
“‘Cus that’s my name.”  He said, grabbing Richard’s wrist like he hadn’t just dropped a bombshell on a shell shocked.  “Let’s get to my room before my parents wake up.”   
  
Richard didn’t know what else to do, so he just followed Joe- Lee- through the house, trying his hardest to digest this new information.   
  
Joe.  No.  Lee.  Lee’s room seemed to be (luckily) on the opposite side of the house from his parents (!?!) They still needed to walk down a hallway that couldn’t possibly be as long as it felt to Richard.   
  
They got about halfway down when a door right in front of them swung open, and there was a pretty girl who’s makeup couldn’t hide the fact that she was 15 at the very oldest.   
  
“You missed curfew again.”  She said to Lee.    
  
“You’re the only one who cares.”  He spat back.   
  
“Maybe.  I bet mom and dad would care about this.”  She said, pointing to Richard, who was still trying to process this newest of new developments.   
  
“Why?  He’s a recruiter from Wichita Falls.”  
  
“Coming back to your room seems like a pretty interesting recruitment tool.” She said, her over drawn eyebrows motioning towards the fact that Richard and Lee were still holding hands.   
  
Richard looked on. He remembered being a terrified 15 year old boy, but he’d thoroughly convinced himself that 15 year old girls couldn’t have been as scary as he’d remembered. He had been so very  wrong.  
  
“We’re just friends.”  Jo-Lee told her. She snorted.   
  
“Lots of friends, Lee.”  Richard slid his hand out of Lee’s and stood as straight as he could.  Why was he shaking in his boots?  This girl was a decade younger than him!  
  
Lee sighed.   
  
“What do you want, Sally?”   
  
“What you got?” She asked.  He felt around in his pockets, pulled out a couple of dollars and put them in her hand.  She counted, wiggled her fingers. More. He sighed, turned around, and pulled his cigarettes out of Richard’s pocket.   
  
“But this means mum’s the word.” He said before putting the half-empty box in her hand.   
  
“For now.” She said.  Lee grabbed Richard’s hand and started walking.   
  
“You didn’t tell me your name, Soldier.” She said, but before Richard had a chance to tell her, Lee had pulled him into his room and closed the door.    
  
“You can sit down.”  He said as he turned around and walked to the closet.  Richard sat down gingerly on the tightly made bed.  He took in the scenery.  There was a lava lamp on the desk, and a Hendrix poster on the wall, but otherwise, it was shockingly clean.    
  
Then, Lee opened the door of the closet and an avalanche of clothes toppled out with a force that literally knocked him on his ass. He laughed, and grabbed a shirt as he got up and walked over to Richard.   
  
“Do you think orange is your color?”  He asked.  Richard pulled down the shirt Lee was trying to press against his chest.   
  
“I don’t think orange is anyone’s color…. When were you going to tell me you lived with your parents?” Lee gave a noncommittal shrug that said it all and then walked off, tossing the shirt on one side of the pile. “Were you even going to tell me your real name?”   
  
“Ok… that one was an accident.”  
  
“An accident?  How does that happen?”   
  
“When it’s slow at work, I make name tags.  I have maybe 15?  And you came in and said good morning to Joe, so I said good morning. You gotta understand, Rich. Cute guys like you don’t just walk into that cafe every day.  What was I supposed to do?”   
  
“Say ‘Actually, it’s Lee.  This is my decoy name.”  Lee looked down at the tie dyed button up in his hand and Richard begged to every god he could think of that he wasn’t thinking of asking him to wear it.   
  
“Ok.  That would have probably would have been a good move.  I send you back to my original point, which is, you’re super sexy and that distracted me.”   Lee (thankfully) threw the shirt down, and perhaps just out of relief, Richard laughed.   
  
“But your name is really Lee?”   
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Lee G. Pace.”  He said, putting his hand out.  “Pleasure to meet you.”    
  
“What’s the G stand for?”  Richard asked before taking his hand.    
  
“Grinner.” He said, a blush rising to his face. Richard shook his hand.   
  
“Richard Crispin Armitage.  How do you do?”   Lee was grinning from ear to ear, and it suited him.   
  
“Forgive me?” He asked.   
  
“I think I’d do something just as stupid if I was your age… which is…?”  Eighteen, eighteen god oh god, eighteen.   
  
“Seventeen.” Richard tried to catch his breath, and wanted to kick himself.  He’d barely been able to fraternize with teenagers when he was one.  But he reminded himself that he was in Texas.    
  
He and Lee had already broken a few laws together, he could just add the statutory charge to the pile.   
  
“Of course.”   
  
“Not for long though.  It’s not a big deal.” He said.   
  
“Sure.”   
  
“Most of the guys I meet up with think its sexy.”  For some reason, hearing that Lee was most definitely more experienced than him made the fact that he was so much younger made Richard feel less guilty.   
  
“I’m sorry to disappoint you, Lee, but I’m not most of the guys you go out with.”  Lee came back to the bed with brown corduroy jeans and a shirt that looked only vaguely like puke.  He proceeded to toss the outfit onto the bed, and straddle Richard.   
  
“Oh, you better believe I know that.”  He said, wrapping his arms around Richard’s neck and pulling him in for a kiss.


	3. Chapter 3

“Was war scary?” Lee was walking out of the bathroom, nothing but a towel (that he wasn’t really paying attention to) hanging from his waist.   
  
The guilt Richard had been racked with a moment before- knowing that Lee should be in school with all the rest of the kids his age, not here with him in a shitty motel near the train station- instantly disappeared when the light shined through the shades and bounced against Lee’s wet hair.   
  
“Of course it was.”  Richard said as he sat up.  He hadn’t yet bothered moving from the position Lee had left him in- on his back and out of breath. “What kind of question is that?”   
  
“I think it’s fair, considering.”   
  
“Considering you’ll be going to the draft board any day now?” Richard was trying not to ask for Lee’s birthday.  He didn’t want Lee to think he cared.  The only problem was… he cared, a lot.   
  
“Oh, I’m not going to worry about that.” He told Richard as he sat at the bottom of the bed and carelessly caressed his foot.   
  
“You’re going to college then?” Lee laughed.   
  
“No way!”   
  
“Well.”  Richard sat up, and wrapped his arms around Lee and pressing his chest against Lee’s back.  He wanted to remember this moment for the rest of this life.  If nothing else happened between then, Richard thought he might be able to get through the next few years if he could just hold onto this moment. “It certainly doesn’t seem like you’ve got a medical deferment coming your way.”  He said told him.  Lee turned around and kissed him, smiling on Richard’s lips, another memory he swore he’d never forget.   
  
“Glad to have your expert opinion.”  He said before kissing him again.  They got side tracked in each other’s arms for a few minutes, but neither one of them was in need of getting serious again, so they fell back onto the bed together, staring up at the ceiling and refusing to let go.   
  
“What is your plan, then?  You think you’re just lucky?” Richard finally asked.   
  
“Well, I met you, so obviously I am very lucky.” Richard wondered if Lee could feel him blushing. He didn’t care. “But you shouldn’t rely on luck.  Even if you’re as lucky as I am.”   
  
“So tell me your secret plan.”  Richard brought his lips to Lee’s shoulder.  Another sensation to memorize.   
  
“I’m going to Canada.” He pulled away.   
  
“What?”   
  
“Vancouver.  I think.  Maybe Toronto.  I dunno.  I have a while to decide.”   
  
“Seems like it might be a little cold for a Texas boy.”   
  
“A lot warmer than a body bag.” Richard recoiled.  There was something about the word that turned his stomach and he cursed himself.  They were having such a great morning, and he had to go and get sensitive about a stupid word. “Oh, Rich… I’m sorry.”   
  
“No… The problem is, you’re right. I’ve seen so many body bags.  The thought of you in one of them… I hope you’re not joking about Canada like all those other guys who chicken out and just ship out when they’re number’s up.”   
  
“When have you ever known me to joke?”  Lee joked, hoping that it might relieve some of the tension he hadn’t meant to create. “I’m not joking though.  Even if there wasn’t a draft, I just think they might understand me a little more up there.”  Richard turned back to Lee and ran his hand through his hair then down his cheek.   
  
“I can’t imagine anyone understanding you.”   
  
“Gee, thanks.”   
  
“I mean it in a good way.  You’re a mystery. A man could spend an entire life trying to unravel you.”   
  
It was Lee’s turn to blush.   
  
“Maybe you’ll do  it.”   
  
“If you’re willing to wait four years.”   
  
“They have medical schools in Canada.” Richard laughed.   
  
“I hardly think Uncle Sam would approve of that.”   
  
“Are they really paying for your medical training?”  
  
“Yes.”   
  
“And you’re going to let them?”   
  
“What do you mean?”   
  
“It just sort of seems like you don’t really like the army all that much.”   
  
“Do you think there are people who enjoy wading through endless waves of carnage everyday?”   
  
“Probably.  But you’ve been doing it for two years, right? It doesn’t seem like you’re one of them.”   
  
Richard laid next to Lee in silence.    
  
“I don’t have a problem with viscera-”  
  
“Viscera?”   
  
“Blood, guts- the stuff inside us coming out when it’s not supposed to.”   
  
“You could have just said that.”  
  
“I don’t have an aversion to blood and guts.  I have steady hands and a good memory and I’m good under pressure.”   
  
“But?”  Richard had thought he’d punctuated the conversation.  Leave it to Lee to know there was more.   
  
“But I hate doing it for the wrong reason.” Lee turned over to make sure that Richard could see his shocked expression.   
  
“Richard- you commie bastard.”   
  
“I’m not going to get into a conversation about economic systems with you, Lee.”   
  
“I’d just start distracting you if you did.”   
  
“Do you know how long the Vietnamese have been invaded?”   
  
“I think my dad almost went back after Korea.”   
  
“The French set up camp in the 20’s.  That’s almost 50 years, Lee.  Then, we come in, pretending it’s still World War 2 and we’re the calvary.  Everyone here tells me how much I mean- how they’re with us, and they want us there, but it’s not true.  We’re not the good guys, Lee.  They’re fighting for their lives, and we’re just over there to fight for the pride of a few guys at the very top of our government. I don’t like watching people die so the president can feel like a real man.”    
  
Richard didn’t know he had so much to say.  He knew he was hurting, but he had no idea how much relief he’d get from just saying what was killing him.    
  
He would have never even dreamed of saying these things to his family- and anyone on the approved list of friends would have gone straight to warn them of the way Richard’s thoughts were leaning in the wrong direction.  But with Lee, he felt he could say anything without being judged, without being lectured about the order of the world, and his place in it.   
  
  
“Why are you there?” Lee asked.   
  
  
“What?”   
  
“Why didn’t you go to Canada, if you think the war’s so stupid?”   
  
“I didn’t get drafted.”  Richard told him. “I enlisted.” Lee’s jaw dropped again, and it took him a long time to figure out how to respond.   
  
“Why?”  
  
Richard knew he was taking too long, but it the answer was too pitiful to tell Lee.   
  
“After I graduated, my father wanted me to go to medical school.”  He finally just told him.   
  
“And you are now.  Isn’t that what you wanted?”   
  
“I didn’t want it from him.”   
  
“Oh.”   
  
“I know that sounds crazy. But-”  
  
“No, it doesn’t sound crazy. You want to find your own way, be your own man.  It’s kind of…”  
  
“Stupid?”   
  
“Admirable.” Richard wasn’t expecting that. Then again, Lee seemed to be full of surprises, and even the crazy ones hadn’t been bad so far. “It doesn’t mean you couldn’t go out on your own in Canada.  I mean, if you really hate what you’d be doing here…”   
  
“I didn’t say I’d hate it, though.  I still think I’d make an excellent doctor.”   
  
“Just, not in a warzone?” Lee was right.  As a surgeon, he’d escape the fields he’d been thrust into as a medic, but he’d still be piecing soldiers back together.  The pressure would be just as terrible. “They’d expect you to go back… if the war was still going.”   
  
“It will be.”   
  
“Well, you’ve got to give up some time, Richard. It could end tomorrow for all we know.”   
  
“They’re fighting for their country, Lee. This is their revolution.  And we’re too stupid to ever stop. A tidal wave of our blood means nothing to Congress, to Johnson, to Nixon or Humphrey or Donald Duck.  Whoever wins the presidency next.  We’ll be pouring souls into this shit show until our sons and their sons are just forgotten drops of blood, floating in the Pacific.” Lee knocked the wind out of Richard as he straddled him.  
  
“I don’t think that’s true.”  He started. “I think you’re a morbid, melancholy pessimist. The end is near. Not everything is gore and death and depression, Richard, and I think you need to be reminded that things aren’t always going to be as bad as they’ve been.”  Richard put his hands on Lee’s hips, loving in the sensation of Lee’s thighs around his.   
  
“And are you going to be the one to remind me?”  he asked, a devilish smile slowly spreading over his face.  Lee bent over and gave him a peck on the lips.  
  
“Yes.” He said then cruelly crawled off him. “But not the way you’re hoping, not yet anyways.”  Richard wanted to pout, but something in him felt it unbecoming, so he sat up instead and watched Lee walk to his bag and pull out the outfit from last night.   
  
“Lee, noooooo.”   
  
“Richard, yeeeeessss.  Trust me, you want to look good.”   
  
“I think we’re a long way from that.” Lee looked at Richard and rolled his eyes.   
  
“You’ve reached your daily negativity limit.  You’re going to have to go along with me and accept that you’re gorgeous.  And then you’re going to have to get out of bed and get dressed.” He tossed the clothes on the bed and Richard gave in and grabbed them.  


	4. Chapter 4

“Where are we going?”  Save a couple of sweet old ladies sitting in the front, Richard and Lee had the bus to themselves, and no matter how much Richard had pestered him the last half hour, Lee wouldn’t give in.   
  
“I already told you. Out.  We’re going out.”   
  
“And we have to take a bus to do that?” Lee laughed.   
  
“Oh, hell yeah.  Don’t worry.  We’ve only got another hour.”   
  
*

  
When they got off the bus, Richard was starving.  Lee was starving too, but he seemed better at it for some reason.  
  
“What’s in Ft. Worth?” Richard asked.   
  
“Enough people to let us disappear.”  Lee said. “Let's go get something to eat.”   
  
*  
  
“Not that I’m complaining about the chili-”   
  
“Nothing like Texas Chili you know, best in the world.”   
  
“Like I said, Lee, I’m not complaining about dinner.  But you still haven’t told me what we’re doing here.” Richard wasn’t exactly struggling to keep up with him, but Lee was walking awfully fast, and before he answered, he grabbed Richard’s hand and pulled him into an alley.   
  
“We’re going somewhere where we can be out.”  He finally said, and pulled Richard further through the alley until they were met by a mountain of a man- probably not any taller than Lee, but with a good 30 pounds on him- all of it muscle.  His hardened face completely melted into sweetness as soon as Lee stepped into the light.   
  
“Who is it tonight?”  He asked, wrapping his arms around Lee.  He didn’t let go of Richard’s hand- which Richard was immensely grateful for.   
  
“Hmmm…. How about Ned?” Lee said.  He motioned towards Richard. “This is John.”   
  
“Well, any friend of Ned’s is a friend of mine.”  The burly man said.   
  
“Thanks, Dan.” Lee said as he started walking inside.   
  
“Might want to keep an eye out Ned… You’ve got some friends in there.” Lee laughed, and pulled Richard inside.   
  
Richard didn’t know what he was expecting, but once they passed through the doors, they were just standing in any other bar.  Except… all the the tables were filled with couples… like them.   
  
Richard had never been a fan of PDA, but the last few days spent with Lee he had started to notice how hard it was not to touch him.  Even something as simple as a pat on the back or a touch on his hand, if seen by the wrong person, could be dangerous, and it had been grating on him.   
  
But in this place, Richard couldn’t turn his head without seeing men kissing men, women holding other women around the waist.  He wasn’t a voyeur, but this was some kind of heaven he hadn’t even known he needed.   
  
Lee pulled them to a table up front, where a woman who looked like a stretched version of Nancy Sinatra was singing “These Boots are Made for Walking.”   
  
“Do you like this one?” He asked.  Richard hadn’t thought about pop music for a while.  He nodded. “I think it’s great.”   
  
“Then I like it even more.”  Lee blushed. Or at least Richard thought he blushed.  The lights were low and the smoke was thick, but it still felt like Richard had done good.   
  
“I’m getting us drinks.”  Lee popped up.   
  
“Let me-”  
  
“No.  You sit there. I’ll be right back.” Lee walked towards the bar, and having nothing better to do, RIchard turned to watch the show.   
  
“Two gin martinis.”  Lee said to the bartender.   
  
“Don’t you want to card him?”  Lee turned around, and immediately frowned at the sight of the man standing before him. The last person he wanted to see tonight. Ben.    
  
“Don’t want to get in any trouble with the law.” He said, sipping a beer he shouldn’t be drinking either.   
  
“If the law walked in here, the last thing they’re going to worry about is my drink order.” Lee said, throwing down some cash and grabbing the drinks. Ben didn’t realize that their conversation was over, and followed him.   
  
“You don’t think I’m going to let you go that easily, do you?”   
  
“I don’t think it’s any choice of yours, Ben.”  Lee said, stopping with the hope that he could end their little chat before they reached the table- he had no desire for Richard to have to meet his petulant ex-boyfriend.   
  
Ben grabbed Lee’s arm a little harder than he enjoyed.  
  
“We had a good thing going, Lee.  You have to at least admit that.”   
  
“You had a good thing going.”  He replied, trying so hard not to itemize the problems they’d had, desperately wanting to forget the betrayals Ben had continuously put him through. Then he tried not to look into his eyes, because he didn’t want his knees go to jelly at the thoughts of all the things that had worked between them...mostly just in bed, but Lee was 17 and knew he was naive to some things, and you never forget your first.   
  
“Remember our plans?”  Of course he did.  Ben was already registered, holding his breath that he wouldn’t have to enlist.  They weren’t going to let that happen, for either of them, no matter what.   
  
Lee attempted to pull his arm away from Ben, who just grasped harder.   
  
“I don’t speak enough Spanish for your plan.” He looked down and caught Ben’s eyes, and cursed himself for not being able to resist.  The itemized list of all Ben’s sins instantly dissipated.  Time stood still, Ben’s grip suddenly feeling like a tender embrace… even if it would leave a bruise.   
  
“Everything alright here, Lee?”  He tore his eyes away, and felt himself breathe again at the sight of Richard standing next to him.  Just the proximity broke Ben’s spell.   
  
“Walk along, friend.”  Ben said through gritted teeth. “This doesn’t concern you.”   
  
“Oh, I wouldn’t know about that.”  Richard grabbed one of the drinks, and threaded his fingers through Lee’s now free hand. He gave a jaunty smile and took a sip. “He bothering you, dear?”    
  
Lee had never had someone stick up for him, always figured he’d have to stick up for himself and anyone else he cared about.  The feeling of Richard’s hand in his was enough to put him over the moon.   
  
“Not bothering me.”  He started, smiling smugly back at Ben. “We were just catching up.”   
  
“You two old friends?”   
  
“Something like that.” Lee told him.   
  
“Would you like to join us?” Lee tried his hardest not to show his mortification.   
  
“Sure.”  Ben said, finally releasing Lee’s arm as they made their way to the table Richard had been holding.   
  
The rest of a night was something of a blur.  A terrible blur.    
The altercation started because of Lee, and he hated it.  Ben kept on getting feely.  At first, he ignored it, and he should have continued ignoring it.  But a man can only take so much.   
  
Eventually, Richard got involved.  Lee didn’t realize he was so protective, and he had to admit, it was sexy.  
  
What wasn’t sexy was the ensuing fist fight.    
  
They were outside in a matter of minutes.  Ben didn’t stand a chance, and while it brought Lee just the tiniest amount of satisfaction to watch him take a few blows, he wasn’t a monster.  Worse than that was the bouncer, apologizing to Lee (Ned) but breaking it up, and threatening to call the cops.   
  
He wouldn’t do it- no one would bring the cops here. But Richard didn’t know that.  All he knew is his arrest could get transferred, and he could end up in some very bad circumstances.  Especially if anyone figured out where he was.   
  
He let Ben go, even held his temper when Ben spat on his shoes (well… Lee’s shoes) before walking off. 


	5. Chapter 5

“Do you want to talk about it?”  Lee asked. Richard had been staring at his bruised knuckles since they’d boarded the bus.   
  
“I already apologized.  I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”   
  
“Embarrass me?  Ben’s had that coming for a long time.”   
  
“Then what’s there to talk about?”   
  
“I dunno.  I’ve never had someone get in a fight to defend my honor before.  I just figured there’d be a conversation to follow.”    
  
They sat in silence until Richard started stretching his hands to see how bad the damage was.   
He winced at the pain, but knew he’d be fine.    
  
“Did I ever tell you why they’re going to pay for my schooling?” He asked.   
  
“Because you’re amazing?” Lee guessed. Richard laughed.  Ben had got a good swing into his side.  He made a note to check for a broken rib, though he doubted that Ben had it in him.   
  
“Hardly.”  He paused.  Reliving this wasn’t exactly one of his favorite activities. “I was on the field one day.  It was pretty routine, I wasn’t expecting to open my pack, honestly.”  
  
“But?”   
  
“But we got ambushed.  They’d raided another platoon,  god it’s terrible the weapons we have out there.  And they’re only getting worse. Thing is, they didn’t really know how to use everything they had.  It was pandemonium.  I got around, stitching up everyone I could. I saw one of the other medics standing up, said his patient was a lost cause.  But he was still screaming, so as soon as he left, I got down and pulled out some morphine.  Guy shouldn’t have to go out that way, Lee.  No one deserves to hurt like that regardless.  But before I gave it to him, I saw that he wasn’t a gonner.  His leg was gone, sure, but I could tourniquet that before he lost too much blood.  I got him up, and we hobbled towards safety.”   
  
“That’s heroic.”   
  
“That’s what they tell me.  It’s not the end.  We were almost safe when a soldier- not one of us- collapsed at my feet.  He was in bad shape, worse than my guy.”   
  
“But he was the enemy.”   
  
“He was still a person, Lee.  And I told you, no one deserves to go like that.  I still had the morphine in my hand.”   
  
“Did I give it to him?” Lee waited for the answer, and Richard made him wait.  He swallowed, because the words were more painful than his fists could ever be.   
  
“No.”  He said, looking through the window because he couldn’t bear to see Lee’s disappointment. “I kept walking, stepped right over him.” Lee put his hand on Richard’s shoulder.   
  
“Did you get your charge back to safety?”   
  
“Yes.”   
  
“It wasn’t your job to help the enemy, Richard.”   
  
“That’s what Mickey said.”   
  
“Mickey?”  
  
“The kid I saved.”  Richard finally looked back at Lee, whose face showed no shame or disappointment. “We still talk, and he always tells me “It wasn’t your fault, Richard, and it wasn’t your responsibility.”  Like that changes things.”   
“He’s right.”  They sat in silence, Richard stuck with the memories in his head until Lee grabbed his hand.   
  
“I don’t see how that gets you into med school.”   
  
“Mickey’s father is a Command Sergeant. Once he heard what I did for Mickey, he pulled strings. First time he met me, he handed me all the paperwork.  Scheduled my MCAT.  Would’ve gotten me a tutor if I’d needed it. Picked up the right guy, now I’m on the fast track to my MD.  Wonder what he would have gotten me if I’d saved the leg.”   
  
“You just took it?” Lee asked.   
  
“What?”  
  
“The way you tell it… someone steamrolled over you with an idea, and you just took it `  
  
“I’m a soldier, Lee. It’s what we do.”   
  
“You can’t follow orders your whole life, Richard.”   
  
“Maybe not.  The next 10 years of my life, though.  That’s what I’m expected to do.”   
  
“Not if you don’t take it.”   
  
“Don’t take it? I don’t think you could possibly understand.  This is the opportunity of a lifetime.”  
  
“Only if you don’t get caught.  Are you planning on living your life as a complete monk?”  
  
“I hadn’t thought of it.” Lee moved his hand so he could curl up and put his head on Richard’s shoulder.   
  
“It’s your life.”  He said, putting his hand in Richard’s. “I hope you make it a happy one.”   
  
That was it.  No lectures, suggestions, criticisms.  Richard squeezed Lee’s hand. It hurt, but it was worth the pain to be holding Lee.   
  
*  
  
Lee kissed Richard goodnight in his hotel room, and went home.    
  
Richard laid in bed with his clothes still on.  He held his hand in ice and stared up at the ceiling.   
  
He was embarrassed to realize how little he’d thought about his life.  He just let it happen to him.  Not like Lee.  Lee did what he wanted- and sometimes it was stupid- dating that Ben certainly seemed like an idiotic idea- but at the end of the day, any wild or crazy thing he did was his own mistake or triumph.  Richard didn’t know if he’d ever made a real decision in his life.    
  
Here he was, falling into someone else’s idea of what he should be.  And for the first time in a long time, his mind was clear enough that he could ask himself...is this what he really wanted. 


	6. Chapter 6

  
It was early.  Too early.  Richard knew that. He didn’t care.   
  
Well… not too much, at least.   
  
He jumped Lee’s fence, counted the windows until he was at Lee’s, and knocked on it.    
  
He waited a minute, then knocked again.   
  
“Lee.”  He stage-whispered when there was no answer.  “It’s Richard.  I need to talk to you.”   
  
The window immediately opened and Lee popped his head out.  For a split second, Richard swooned over just how wonderful Lee looked with bed head.   
  
“What are you doing here?” He asked, his voice still raspy from sleep.   
  
“I have to ask you something.”  Lee looked down at Richard, trying to figure him out.  Richard had no idea if he was transparent, so he just smiled.   
  
“Then you better get up here.”  He said, pointing to the airconditioning unit between his room and Sally’s.  Richard climbed up, and he was tall enough to jump through Lee’s window.  He miscalculated just a little and ended up in Lee’s arms, toppling both over and onto the floor.  Lee giggled. “This is all very Romeo and Juliet.”   
  
“I don’t mind being your Romeo.” Richard told him.  
  
“What if I want to be your Romeo?”   
  
“Then I guess you’ll have to climb into my room.” Richard said.  Lee kissed him- just a gentle peck, he was supposed to be up and down to breakfast any minute now.   
  
“What did you want?” He asked.   
  
“I have a question for you…”   
  
“You’ve already said that!” Realizing that it probably wasn’t super comfortable to hold all of his weight for so long (well…) Richard sat up and leaned against Lee’s bed.   
  
“I’m trying to get it out.  This isn’t easy for me, Lee.”   
  
“What isn’t easy?”   
  
“Being spontaneous.”   
  
“Oooh, I like where this is going.”   
  
“How fast can you pack?”   
  
“Pack for what?”   
  
“For leaving.”   
  
“What?”   
  
“I’m going to Canada.”   
  
“That was my idea!”   
  
“That’s everyone’s idea, Lee.  It’s also why I want you to come with me.”   
  
“You want to go to Canada?  Now?”   
  
“The sooner the better.”   
  
“I’ve only saved up half of what I was planning.”   
  
“You don’t have to worry about that.”  Richard immediately realized how that sounded.  “No strings attached, of course.  Come because I need someone to guide me.”    
  
“What if I want strings attached?” Richard smiled.   
  
“That’s even better.”   
  
“You really want to leave right now?”   
  
“If you can stand it.” Lee stood up, walked to the closet and tossed clothes until he reached the back, where he had a bag.  He walked back to the bed, pulled up the mattress and pulled out a roll of bills.    
  
“I’ve been ready for two years.”  He said.  “Where’s your bag?”   
  
“On the other side of your fence.” Richard stood up as Lee walked to the window.   
  
“We better go get it.”  He said.  He had one leg out the window when his door swung open.  Richard felt his heart stop, but it started again when he saw that it was just his sister Sally.   
  
“What’s with all the noise?”  She asks.  Lee pulls himself back into the room and gives Richard the signal to climb out. “What are you doing, Lee?”  She looked worried, so Lee walked up and wrapped his arms around her to pull her into a hug.   
  
“I’m gonna miss you.”  He admitted.  She wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed.  He could feel her tears on his shirt and she could feel his on her hair.    
  
“I love you.”  She told him.   
  
“I love you, too.”  He said as they let go.  He walks back to the window.  When he’s halfway out, he readjusts his bag and looks back at her. “I hope you understand someday.”    
  
Sally watched as Lee disappeared, walked to the window and watched as Richard helped Lee over the fence.   
  
“Soldier.” He looked up at her and waited, holding the top of the fence in one hand. “Take care of him.”  He smiled up at her, nodded.  
  
That was a promise he could keep. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You don't technically need to read this. But it's cute. So do.

_**~Epilogue~** _   
  


**June 16th, 1970**   
  


Sally,   
  


Happy Birthday, Sister!  
  
Ok.. I know you won’t get this until after the day (duh) but better a little late than never at all, right?   
  
Tell Mom and Dad things are great.  Then get on a plane and come up here and see how great they really are!  
  
I know you were worried, but Richard’s really wonderful.  He’s going to medical school- it’s much cheaper here in Canada, and we’re all pitching in because he’s a good investment.   
  
Don’t tell Mom and Dad (burn this letter if you have to!) but the rumors are true, we’re part of a commune.  And no, it’s not a cult, there’s not even a leader really.  Maybe Richard, I guess, but you have no idea how funny it is that I’m saying that.    
  
It’s just the 15 of us hole up in an old mansion at the edge of town with a big garden and a lot of family dinners.  You wouldn’t believe how much fun a family dinner can be- I actually look forward to it!  
  
There aren’t any secrets here, Sally.  There’s no need to crawl out windows in the middle of the night, because you can walk right out the front door and no one’s going to say anything more than “have a good night.”   
  
But it’s not negligent either.  If you need help or advice or just a hug, someone’s always there.  I wish you could come and see it…  
  
I’m sorry we couldn’t make it back for your birthday again (you can blame Eisenhower for starting this or Nixon for not ending it if you want) but next time you write, please tell me you understand?   
  
Or you could come up and tell me in person.  The way i figure it, you’re old enough to be an adult, and trust me, you can’t do that in Texas.  Maybe some day…  
  
Ok, you’ve heard my pitch.  You can tell Mom and Dad that I’m doing fine. Say hi to Will for me, and think about coming up… at least for a visit.  
  
Loving you always,   
  
Lee.  
  
  


**January 15th, 1972**   
  


 

Chris,   
  
I’ve sat down so many times to start this letter, and each time I’ve wasted another piece of paper because I haven’t figured it out. You’re just going have to deal with that.   
  
I owe you and Mother an apology.  I should have been there to wish our Father goodbye.  I don’t blame either of you for your anger.  In my medical opinion, he couldn’t have died of a broken heart I gave him when I ran off like you keep on telling me, but if there’s anything that life has taught me it’s this: unexpected things happen all the time.  So who am I to stop you from believing that?    
  
If Lee bothers you so much, you’ll have my broken heart’s blood on your hands, though.  To be honest, I’m not surprised that Mother and Father can hold so much hate in their hearts for a wonderful man they’ve never met.  It only breaks my heart that you can’t see past something so frivolous as what sort of genitals someone has.   
  
Nevertheless, I should have been there for the two of you.  We should have been there.  It’s not a fling, or a frivolous act of rebellion, Lee and I are in love.  I’ve enclosed a picture- you can have a face to put with all the names I know you’re calling him- we’re exchanging rings in it.  The girl beside Lee is his sister, Sally.  She’s wonderful, and what hurts the most about this picture is the fact that, if Sally and Lee switched places, I know you’d be standing there beside me.   
  
I’m tired, Chris.  I’m tired of these letters, and these calls, and the lies you have to make up when Mother won’t come to the phone.  I don’t want to hurt you anymore.   I know no one’s been talking about what happened to me (how could you?)  Maybe it’s best if you just tell people I died in the war.  
  
It is better that I be another wasted life in an idiotic skirmish than it would be to have a fag for a brother or a son, isn’t it?   
  
I love you, but I don’t care anymore.  If you don’t want me in your life, I release you from the obligation.  I only wish that you knew how good a life it was that you were missing out on. My life is fulfilling, my home is full of people and laughter and love. I have a family here. It looks a little messy to the outside, but the only reason I’m unhappy is because I can’t show you how amazing it all is.   
  
I can’t keep having this fight with you- you know why I can’t come home, you know why I wouldn’t even if I could.  I’ll always love you, even if it’s easier for you to forget who and what I am.   
  
Sincerely,   
  
Dr. Richard C. Armitage, M.D.

**Author's Note:**

> You wanna get your shit fucked up? 
> 
> Listen to Traveling Soldier by Dixie Chicks. 
> 
> It's been playing on a loop the past 5 days while I wrote this. I do not suggest doing this to yourself.


End file.
